Fight or Flight. Sensory Disorders.

Do you have a special needs child?

I know what that is like. Oh, my son looks like any other kid. (OK a little bigger, like his daddy) But otherwise Traedyn Michael Gartman, aka “Trae” appears to be just fine. But Trae struggles with Anxiety, and also Sensory Processing challenges. He just started kindergarten, and I was surprised the teacher didn’t call me sooner. She called me his second day. I tried my best to prepare him, but I knew that everything school was about would be challenging for Trae to integrate into. We are all working on a plan, partnering together for Trae’s success.

One definition of Anxiety is: An abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it, a painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind, stress over anticipation of events.

Trae’s anxious behaviors, or feelings may be simply due to his Sensory Processing disorder.

 

One definition of a Sensory disorder is: Sensory Integration disorder or dysfunction (SID) or Sensory Processing disorder (SPD) is a neurological disorder that results from the brain’s inability to integrate certain information received from the body’s five basic sensory systems. These sensory systems are responsible for detecting sights, sounds, smell, tastes, temperatures, pain, and the position and movements of the body. The brain then forms a combined picture of this information in order for the body to make sense of its surroundings and react to them appropriately. The ongoing relationship between behavior and brain functioning is called sensory integration (SI), a theory that was first pioneered by A. Jean Ayres, Ph.D., OTR in the 1960s.

According to Sensory Integration International (SII), a non-profit corporation concerned with the impact of sensory integrative problems on people’s lives, the following are some signs of sensory integration disorder (SID):

• oversensitivity to touch, movement, sights, or sounds
• under-reactivity to touch, movement, sights, or sounds
• tendency to be easily distracted
• social and/or emotional problems
• activity level that is unusually high or unusually low
• physical clumsiness or apparent carelessness
• impulsive, lacking in self-control
• difficulty in making transitions from one situation to another
• inability to unwind or calm self
• poor self concept
• delays in speech, language, or motor skills
• aggressive behavior

According to the book, The Out-of-Sync Child written by Carol Stock Kranowitz M.A., SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) can cause a bewildering variety of symptoms. When their central nervous systems are ineffective in processing sensory information, children have a hard time functioning in daily life. They may look fine and have superior intelligence, but may be awkward and clumsy, fearful and withdrawn, or hostile and aggressive. SPD can affect not only how they move and learn, but also how they behave, how they play and make friends, and especially how they feel about themselves… This describes Trae well.

Sadly, many children with Sensory Processing Disorder are looked upon as the unruly, the Black Sheep, and the undisciplined. Parents are often made to feel their child’s reactions are due to poor parenting skills. The truth is these children with SPD often trapped in the painful, confusing world they live in. They cannot help feeling the fight-or-flight response when their sensory issues become triggered. And parents can not always predict when those triggers will occur.

I will never forget the first time a child care worker at church said to me “What is going on at home? There is a reason he has so much anger.” I thought, and I thought. There was NOTHING crazy going on at home. Nothing out of the normal, or really bad or traumatic to cause Trae’s behavior. We weren’t fighting. There had been no major changes. No major stress, other than what we all deal with as simple humans making life work. I wanted to hear the accusing feedback- if it was OUR fault. But I looked at Teisha, Trae’s older sister, and she was fine.

She is a totally different kid. Not just in personality, and family roles, but she didn’t have that anger, or the behavioral problems. And I watched kids from truly HARD homes…divorce, trauma, poverty etc. Many of them were better behaved. It made no logical sense to me. Steve and I are not perfect, but we sure work hard at healthy parenting. We changed parenting tactics. Worked on behaviors and consequences. We were eating healthy. We tried all that we knew, and it still wasn’t enough.

Thank God for Katie Wade.

Katie is a Behavioral Therapist. There are no accidents she works at my church and noticed Trae’s tough time. But instead of judging us, she took the time to find out what was Trae’s true challenge. She has helped us tremendously so far, and will continue to journey this path with us.

DoTERRA essential oils are also a huge help!

 

I am so grateful I found Lavender, Frankincense, and Vetiver, to name only a few, to help manage Trae’s anxiety and moods. He may be hyper-sensitive in some challenging ways, but that super-sensitivity also lends itself so well to natural, positive methods like Oil Therapy. It’s not just aromatherapy, it’s total body wellness. They are plant derived, and help the body heal itself. These oils can be taken internally, applied topically, and diffused into the air. I have my kids on the vitamins too. I am a huge FAN of holistic solutions that help parents avoid medications, when possible. Read more about natural remedies to every ailment here:

Perhaps it’s time for testing.
If they are struggling at school, you can request testing there. Or if that doesn’t work out, you can try to contact your local Heath Department for Early Intervention services. Or find a trusted Children’s Behavioral Therapist. Our kids deserve to receive the information, tools and support, and not feel like they are drowning in their disability. Ignorance or denial of disorders or disabilities are a huge killer of success for both kids and adults. But as parents, it’s our job to advocate for our kids. They cannot do it on their own.

And you deserve to know, it’s not your fault. Sure, we make mistakes. And ALL our gene pools are imperfect. American diets are not generally good. (* True Organic diets do help almost all disorders, illnesses and behavioral challenges).

Do the best you can, with what you’ve got. That’s what we get to do. The challenges will arise, and we as parents and teachers can only stare them down, get educated, take proactive steps to help our kids, work hard, and take one day at a time for their ultimate SUCCESS.

We can do this. And God bless us all in the effort. It isn’t easy.

Many Blessings,

 Sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
International Speaker, Group Transformationist, Inspirational Comedian, Author 
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Connect with me on:
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HERO

I was watching a TED Talk today…

TED talks are: ” Riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world. ” also known for their tag line… “Ideas worth spreading”. Apparently this is true- as I am spreading their ideas right now! 🙂

I do love most TED talks. I was watching one intently by Psychologist Philip Zimbardo. He was talking about the difference in good vs. evil.  Philip Zimbardo knows how easy it is for nice people to turn bad. ( Google his story and you will know why ) In this particular talk, he shares insights and graphic unseen photos from the Abu Ghraib trials. *Warning, don’t watch this with kids, ~please.

Then he talks about the flip side: How easy it is to be a hero, and how we all can rise to the challenge. Y E S !

He talks about something that totally hit home for me; the fact that we have the wrong image of a “Hero” in the American culture. We either think of Superman, Batman or other grandiose comic/movie characters, who are fictional, and have way supernatural powers, OR we may think of Hollywood super stars who have mega money, influence, and therefore have tremendous power in the U.S. to perhaps flaunt their “do-gooding” around the world. Of course- one might wonder; is it truly doing good, or is it trying to make themselves look good? After all, is it a great sacrifice for the very rich to give some back, and boost their fan base via the media?

And the greater question that Phillip raises is this; (in my words) Is it jacking up our kids belief systems of who is and CAN BE a hero? Is it messing with ADULT ideas or visions of who can be a hero?

After all, none of us have super powers, at least not like they do in a comic book. So- that kind of hero is off limits to us. And most of us won’t make it to the kind of wealth that the upper echelon of Hollywood, or the very top of Corporate America achieves, to allow for the kind of ability to give millions, and take years off of work to travel and just “be”.

Then, what is a HERO?

They are every day people. They are you and I, as we so choose. They do good when no one is looking, and when everyone is looking. They give when it hurts. They give because it’s the right thing to do. They give what they can, with what they have, where they are.

Maybe they hold a door open. Buy groceries for someone in need. Serve soup on a Holiday. Host events to raise funds, or badly needed items like coats and school supplies. They donate time teaching. They mentor. They Coach. They give. They give for no other reason, but that it’s the right thing to do, and that feels right. That feels good to our souls.

There is a reason we feel good when we give.

It’s not about pride. It’s because God made us to care. We care not just for ourselves, but healthy people care for the collective. We care because we get that we are all connected somehow, even if we cannot explain that concept or belief well.

We are in this thing called LIFE together. We are not born alone, on an island. Yes- we get hurt by others. 911 proved that. And we have hurt others too. But we also get well together. We heal with the support of others. We are stronger together. When survival experts train people how to navigate tough rivers, they teach you how to lock arms with your buddies to get across safely. You may be incredibly strong, but so is that river called life, and it can take you down if you are not supported.

Being a HERO is a daily choice.

I can be a hero to my kids, and keep my promises- the small ones and the big ones. I can hold a door open. Help a neighbor mow their lawn. Pay someone’s bill. Offer free teaching or coaching to one in need. I can give my offering at church and support the giving that goes out from there.

I can donate time to the club I just personally joined: The Lions Club. These men and women have been mega HEROES for decades! And now I am honored to give my part to the cause, helping blind kids without eye care to see again, or get glasses, or dental care, or school supplies. I can help build handicap walkways where they are needed around town. I can help beautify the VA center. The list goes on, and is right in front of me. With or without money, there are always needs. Needs I can help fulfill.

The SUPER POWER is YOU. ME. It is US. We can train the next generation what real, everyday heroes look like. We are powerful together. What will you do today, and this week, in service?

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about how you give back or ideas to help others who wish to get ideas on how to give back.

Many Blessings,

 

sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach

“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Connect with me on:
https://embracereal.wordpress.com
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The “Balance” Self Test

People in the U.S. often talk about “Balance”.

So, what is that anyway?

bal·ance

[bal-uhns] noun, verb, bal·anced, bal·anc·ing. noun. A harmonious or satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements, To bring into or maintain in a state of equilibrium, A stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability.

In my http://www.shelig.com Business and Life Mastery Coaching and workshops, I often hear this: “I am trying to gain, maintain or realize balance in my life…” But it is rarely perceived as achieved by most people I know. Or perhaps we wouldn’t know it even if we did achieve it. It’s a bit allusive. It is best defined not in the collective perspective at all, but individually. What represents balance for one, is boring to another, and to yet another is quite overwhelming. I believe a state of balance for all of us is a fluid, ever-changing process. From week to week, month to month and so on, *this balance that I strive for must continually be weighed out by me, for me.

The challenge of work-life balance is without question one of the most significant struggles faced by modern man.
~Stephen Covey

Weighing my balance

This is a self-assessment chart that I like to use for myself, and my clients. It’s very simple, and can be modified as you have other areas that you would like to rate yourself on. You can see on each category petal, there are 10 dots.  Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the lowest balance and needing work, 10 being as balanced as it gets, or perfect. Do each category, and then notice, what areas need the most improvement? Depending on your personality, you can structure your own Call To Action accordingly.

 

If you tend to get overwhelmed, take one area that needs the most attention, and work on it for a week while you continue to do your best in the other areas too. *But have that one area that you can focus on for improvement, one day at a time. Then add in another area as you are ready.

*A Life Mastery Coach can be really helpful here to assist you in addressing your lower areas, while encouraging you not to go into guilt or overwhelm. *Marinating in feelings of guilt and overwhelm serve no value, and can rob you of the precious energy you need to self-correct.

Overachievers who like to get a lot of results NOW might take on your top 2-3 areas that are lowest, and work on those. Focus on those for a month, then assess yourself again.

This is a great thing to do weekly or monthly as needed. BEING AWARE of these areas is a huge part of being balanced! Sometimes we are unknowingly off, and we just need that realignment of focus to help us adjust the sails.

 

As an Entrepreneur, Leader or Manager of a team

You can also see how your team is doing using a similar method. People are not motivated to work harder from the outside in, aka: a typical sales meeting, applied pressure (or shame), big goals and numbers. If they are, it’s a very temporary motivator. You want inspired employees, long term! That means they are motivated from the INside out, hence INspired. To do this, they need the self-awareness of what is working, and what isn’t working, or what needs adjustment. Employees will adjust themselves- when we empower them. Give them a tool to self test, and the time and resources to adjust. For a business context, the above pie chart categories may read more like: Retail Sales…Work relationships…File Completeness…Deadlines Met…Conversions achieved…Punctuality…Customer Service Scores… or whatever the culture of your business or team holds as valuable.

 

Also having a Dynamic Professional Facilitator to take your team or business through things like this can be positively enlightening, a ton of FUN, and then you can be there with your team rating yourself. Modeling accountability, responsibility and awareness to your team is profound, and speaks volumes over a typical business-as-usual meeting.

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.~Brian Tracy

Sometimes, we all HYPER FOCUS.

That big project or event you are hosting. The family reunion that is at YOUR house. The big client that are you trying to land. The baby you just had. The Grand Opening of your business! The much needed vacation. The home remodel or move. Your company being bought out by another….

There are times we just have to get through an event, a season, or a rites of passage time in our life… and do the best we can, with a lot of energy going towards that 1 big goal or event.

When that benchmark is achieved, we can do our self test and re-align.
What suffered the most during that time, or in other words received the least amount of your energy? Your family? Your Sales? Your health? Relationships? Your charity or church? Again- this can only be assessed by you, for you. But when we hyper focus, we need to take a pause when we come up for air, and intentionally decide what the next chapter will look like.When I leave the country to go do workshops and seminars for a week, I make it up to my kids both before and after I get back. I block out a bunch of time that is just for them. No phone calls taken or meetings, just my undivided attention. That’s part of my balance.

Balance is important, although not easily defined. Do the test. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a never-ending process. As life changes, so do we. *Self-assessing, which then leads to Self-awareness, are the two first big steps in achieving the right balance for you.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. ~ Albert Einstein

Many Blessings,

 

sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach

“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

http://youtu.be/hgYO8hZdFXI

Connect with me on:
https://embracereal.wordpress.com
http://www.facebook.com/sheliGinspires
http://www.youtube.com/user/coachsheliG
http://www.linkedin.com/in/shelig
https://twitter.com/sheliGinspires
http://pinterest.com/sheligcoaching

TOP 5 Work Relationship Tips

“People don’t care how much you know, until they (really) know how much you care.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

5. Be kind.

Too many egos, too much brain damage. With so many employment options, and with Entrepreneurs popping up everywhere, it’s time to refocus our compassionate tools. If we dig down deep- everyone who is healthy cares. It’s about authentically and intentionally showing it, regularly. I know, you may not be a “huger”… although 3 hugs a day does keep the doctor away. 🙂  *But it’s the genuinely warm comments, personal relationships, birthday wishes and so on that keep work from feeling like a “have to.”

4. Collaborate.

Some leaders feel they are too busy to collaborate with most employees. I believe that’s their mistake. This is a collaborative world. If you hire Millennials, (18-30) that is the ONLY world they will stay a part of for any length of time. We no longer wish to take part of that worn out, overly authoritative corporate model of our parents generation, although some companies are still slow to evolve. Some leaders think it takes too much energy to connect with their people outside of agenda driven meetings (yawn). But- it takes more energy to do the damage control, and deal with the constant turn over resulting from not taking time to treat employees or volunteers like their difference TRULY matters. If you manage a team, hear them out. Block out team dialogue times at least 4 times per year. Brainstorm. Get feedback. Have fun doing it. Learn. Be genuinely interested. Let them have some skin in the game. It will make them feel a part. It will expand your knowledge and perspective. It will encourage great relationships. People are so smart and creative. *They don’t want to work like robots.

3. Appreciate.

Throw a really cool, FUN party. Don’t give a sales meeting or do any “work laundry” there. Relax. Connect. Leave your cell phone in the car. Celebrate. LAUGH. Give Starbucks cards out occasionally (or a good local coffee shop that does the community well) Give Turkeys (organic) or Sparkling Apple Cider during the holidays. Give an extra day break close to a weekend sometime, just because. If your company is making fabulous money, give a nice bonus or a trip out. *Honor those faithful people. They will be happier, and happy people produce more, and stay longer.

“The day soldiers stop bring you their problems is the day that you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help, or concluded that you do not care. Either case is failure of leadership.”
~Colin Powell

2. Listen.

Workplaces are made up of people. People who think, live, dream, have issues, have questions, have stories. Leadership means listening…even when it takes up time. Even when it’s out of your comfort zone. Even when it’s about personal stuff. People need people, and good leaders support and mentor their team by listening. *If they seem to need too much support, have them hire a Business or Life Success Coach. Bringing in a professional team building coach for your team can also be a fun and relationship-building experience all can grow from.

1. Model.

World Changing Leaders model great attitude, authenticity, kindness, hard work, innovation and humor. Act the way you want your employees to act, but understand they will do this in their own way, and in their own strengths. Extrovert or introvert. Verbose or quiet. Creative or analytical. *Make sure they are in the right spot for them, where they can work in or from their fabulous strengths. Today- it’s the only way.

“A leader is a dealer in hope.”~Napoleon Bonaparte

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgYO8hZdFXI

Many Blessings,

Many Blessings,

sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
CEO Women Ignite Idaho Conference and Trade Show
WomenIgniteIdaho.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach

“It’s time to ignite the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Contact me: coach.sheli

Connect with me on:
https://embracereal.wordpress.com
http://www.facebook.com/sheliGinspires
http://www.youtube.com/user/coachsheliG
http://www.linkedin.com/in/shelig
https://twitter.com/sheliGinspires
http://pinterest.com/sheligcoaching