motivational coach sheli G

Archive for September, 2013

The New Black… for LEADERS

Vulnerability.

What does that word bring up for you?

Open. Victim. Brave. Weak. Insecure. Truth-telling.

vulnerable oprah

We tend to associate vulnerability with beliefs, people, and places that we have experienced in our past. In the English language, Vulnerability can reference various states of being, depending on the assumed or referenced context;

  • the state of being vulnerable or exposed
  • easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, financially or emotionally

Most of the Vulnerability definitions you can find online are pretty much referring to an old-school, “bad news” come-from.

If you are military for example, you are trained not to be vulnerable, because vulnerability leaves you open to attack. This is similar to the old Corporate leadership structure. Act tough. Be “strong”. Represent a fortress-like presence so that everyone will respect you, be intimidated by you, and assume you do not have any weak spots they can prey upon.

vulnerable 1

This doesn’t work anymore.
There are certainly moments or situations to “shore up” ourselves, and not be opened up wide. Not every situation or person is safe. However, all of us are vincible, whether we act strong all the time or not. And we all know this- not only about ourselves, but about mankind in general. (cat’s out of the bag!) It used to be fashionable to act tough all the time. But these days, the new coolness, the must-have tool in any leaders tool-belt, the new Black for Leaders is: Healthy Vulnerability, by choice.

Healthy Vulnerability…. What?
“Vulnerability is the absolute heartbeat of innovation and creativity,” Brene Brown says. “There can be zero innovation without vulnerability.” Brene has a couple of very powerful and humorous TED TALKS on Vulnerability. Brené Brown Ph.D. LMSW is an American scholar, author, and public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston

Entrepreneurs, Leaders, Managers, CEO’s, Bloggers, thought leaders…we are all vulnerable. Yup. There you have it. Don’t fight it. You’re expending pointless energy if you resist- something leaders don’t like to do! The minute we choose into putting ourselves, our beliefs, our ideas out there, we are vulnerable. The more you do it, the more vulnerable you are. To be a WORLD CHANGER, vulnerability is a huge key to success.

vulnerable armsAccording to Brown, vulnerability is: the combination of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Hmmm. This is pretty much entrepreneurship.
I know- I’ve been in it since 1995. Vulnerability is the natural culture of what we do. To pretend you are not vulnerable, is to lack authenticity. It’s tough to respect, much less follow that leader. He or she is perpetuating an atmosphere of denial and anxiety. It’s real, it’s healthy, and it is more courageous for every leader to be OK with healthy vulnerability. We ask our teams to do it. So- how can we inspire our teams to be honest, and take searching self-inventories of what IS working, and what is NOT working, if we do not lead them by example?  It is what I do, not just what I say. And if what I say and do are not in alignment, (that includes alignment with the companies results) it’s quite obvious.

So, just be pathetic all the time? To everyone?

vulnerable question

Um…No 🙂

Again, vulnerability is powerful when it’s accessed at the proper time, place and crowd.

I am not saying go drinking with your peeps, and totally breakdown, with no resolve or value as a net result. (really- don’t do this)
I am also not implying you should tell all your deepest secrets to your whole team or company.

I am not saying cry all the time. That would be exhausting. 🙂

Balance and being intuitively appropriate are also leadership keys.
You don’t throw out those other skills that you have worked so hard to cultivate. You integrate them all, intuitively.

Some leaders go to extremes. “I want to be strong and have them believe I can do anything! I don’t want to be vulnerable and show my fears, failures or weak areas…”
It’s NOT either or. It is BOTH/AND. How cool is that? Knowing what tool from your belt to use, when and how is critical.
measure
LEADERSHIP then is a customized set of skills and methods, masterfully woven together in doses, at the right times and places to be effective for all. Lots of solutions, winning and connecting will come with that combo. So will production, employee retention, and stunning innovation.
 
If you are open to it, being real about both your strengths and your blinders can be inspiring. At times you may reveal things to everyone. Sometimes that may be to a small elite mastermind group in the profession, company or team.

Sometimes both the bravado of releasing a vision, and the passion behind it, followed by humble tones of the obstacles that you face, and even a tear can be a winning combination. *I am not saying put that kind of speech together. If it’s too thought out, if it has a hook or contrived agenda- then it’s not inspiring. That’s not vulnerable, that’s manipulative theatrics. Big difference, and they can feel it.

puppet on a string

When I am speaking, I am open to all facets of my personality, strengths, and tools. I know where I am going, but I feel free to authentically use the words that come up for me in that moment, not scripted out. I also access both positivity and passion, vision casting and encouragement, with vulnerability in telling real stories, and addressing REAL challenges, so that I meet people where they are. I have had bliss and failure, and so have they. We are no different at our core. We all want to have purpose. We all want successful relationships. We all have dreams to fulfill. So resonating with your team, audience, or company, versus towering over them really works. It works because it’s connection. People dig true connection. They trust it. And trust is hard to gain these days, but so magical when you do.

vulnerable 2

An Island vs. a Village

We were not born alone, on an island. We don’t get anywhere without others, bad or good.
We accomplish things in communities of people. Family, Friends, Work, Church, Charities, Clubs…..it doesn’t really matter what we are creating; we do it better together.

happy meetingWhen a leader says: What are your ideas on this issue? Let’s brainstorm on this challenge or event…. Let’s bring all our experience, education and collective wisdom together in creating a new paradigm… THAT is inspiring. That is motivating. It’s engaging! People pay attention, and feel worthy when THEY are engaged.

That means you don’t have all the answers. And- you don’t. I don’t. That means you are taking time to listen. That means you care what others are thinking. That makes a great leader. There are times when time is short, and we just get to GO, with little collaboration. I get that. If that is most of the time, you may be trying to accomplish too much, too soon, with too little perspective and feedback. Narrow scopes offer narrow results. But there can be more time, blocked out intentionally, to collaborate and grow your company, your vision, your production, your influence and reach…by enrolling others.

To enroll others, we deserve to be vulnerable, as well as all the other traits that make a phenomenal leader. Perhaps in my next blog I will tell the story of my own personal “ONE DAY” when I totally got it, that vulnerability is paramount for a great leader. It’s mandatory for me.

Not always easy. But often necessary. And worth it.

I would love to hear YOUR comments and thoughts on vulnerability, especially for leaders. And any likes, shares…always welcome! 🙂
Many Blessings,
www.shelig.com
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
CEO Women Ignite Idaho Conference and Trade Show
WII neon sign woman light
WomenIgniteIdaho.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to ignite the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Facebook LinkedIn WordPress YouTube pinterest
Contact me: Skype coach.sheli

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The apology you didn’t get.

How do you deal with an apology you never received, but you know you deserve?

Are you held hostage by hurt feelings over a difficult person, or a situation from the past? It’s very easy to do.
 “Forgiveness is the economy of the heart…forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” ~Hannah More

Forgiveness sets the prisoner free. The prisoner is YOU.

prison 1

The words.The accident.The abandonment. The abuse. The cheating. The lies. The firing. The eviction. The divorce. The ego. The quitting. The depression. The running. The not trying. The judgement. The losing. The stunt. The audacity. The other woman. The other man. The double-cross. The favorite. The unfairness. The agony. The Church. The death. The addiction. The pride. The past. The selfishness. The withhold. The timing. The government. Life…..

You are right. You have a right to feel what you feel.
Why? Because they are your feelings. Sometimes- they just HAPPEN. But… how long you stay there, how long you marinade in that feeling…of anger (which is actually just a mask for big hurt and pain…) THAT my friend is up to you.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”~Mahatma Gandhi
sad

So, accept an apology you never got. Take your power back. Receive it- from him, her, that, it, them… or whatever. Let it go. Let you go. It’s your pain, so you can release it. No matter what happens on the other end, you do what you can control. That’s it.

The Gathering Choose in

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”~Colossians 3:13

You can grant forgiveness, as you’ve probably been forgiven too.

Isn’t it ironic? Maybe someone is reading this RIGHT NOW, and thinking of something YOU said or did, or didn’t say or do that you should have…. Maybe it’s that same someone YOU need to forgive as well.

hugging


Life is short. Time to let go, and love right where we are, with what and who we have NOW. Tomorrow will be great, starting with a great NOW that you choose in this moment.

Kindness

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let us begin…

Many Blessings,
sheli  G
Career pic
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Facebook LinkedIn WordPress YouTube pinterest
Contact me: Skype coach.sheli

Snorting Coffee

So I was getting ready to speak.

sheli g 2 vid 4

We have a super cool local networking group in Idaho, lead by the amazing Brandon Wright, you can find them here:   https://www.facebook.com/HuddleShareSmokeOutGroup

I absolutely love to speak. And I, like most speakers, have my own ” Pre-game rituals ” if you will. You know, all those things that especially when you give a presentation you make sure that you do, to be on your “A” game, to feel really grounded and well prepared. So I did what all good speakers do: I kicked my family out of the house so I could study.  🙂  I made a fabulous cup of Joe. I hunkered down at the computer to hang out with Google and my stuff.

I took a big drink of my organic coffee with Coconut Vanilla creamer…YUM…..and then, it happened.

I got a little tickle in my throat.

A seemingly harmless, normally no big deal tickle. But, my throat decided the tickle was a terrorist, and chose to cough it out, HARD!  So I knew what I had to do…I held it in.

I had to hold it in.

I had my computer, keyboard, papers, iPhone… all in my line of fire and at high risk at this point. I had to soldier up, and hold that bad boy down….regardless. But this cough, it was relentless. Oh I held it down…BUT, I somehow snorted the coffee that was in my mouth, up my nasal passage the back way. Yes, yes it did come out my nose. Interesting sensation much.

SNORT-COFFEE
After the initial nasal caffeinated shock…it was funny. Very funny. I started to laugh, which made me snort again, because I am a snorter. (I just had never reverse snorted before.) I was like, “If they could only see me now; no makeup, sitting in my BSU pajamas, reverse snorting coffee…what a classy lady!!!”
It was actually a fabulous start to my morning. Laughter…it’s so incredibly important!
 

“There are a lot of performers who make people laugh. There are a lot of speakers who give solid principles for living. I want to do both.” ~Mark Gungor

Statistics show that little kids laugh 400 times a day. One study showed that adults laugh only eleven, or less.
What does Laughter do for us?
  • Boost the immune system and circulatory system
  • Enhance oxygen intake
  • Stimulate the heart and lungs
  • Relax muscles throughout the body
  • Trigger the release of endorphins (the body’s natural painkillers)
  • Ease digestion/soothes stomach aches
  • Relieve pain
  • Balance blood pressure
  • Improve mental functions (i.e., alertness, memory, creativity)
  • Improve overall attitude
  • Reduce stress/tension
  • Promote relaxation
  • Improve sleep
  • Enhance quality of life
  • Strengthen social bonds and relationships
  • Produce a general sense of well-being

I was at the Les Brown Speakers boot-camp. Les Brown is considered the Best Inspirational Speaker in the world, now that the great Zig Ziglar has passed on. He laughs so hard, SO often. You get your monies worth out of every event he puts on, just because you laugh so much and feel so good!  I noticed, as a speaker, I was holding back my laughter much of the time.  I believe it was a subconscious reaction, because my laugh is often really loud, and I snort! So when using a microphone, this is all amplified. But I realized after watching him just let it rip, that I was ripping off myself and my audience. Laughter is one of the best things ever, to relax your audience, and prepare them. Right after someone laughs, their defenses are down but for a moment in time, and you can deliver that deep thought seamlessly.

laughing

So laugh.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. Have fun. MAKE some fun. And try snorting coffee. You and your sinuses will never be so clear.

IMG_9613-001

sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G


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