motivational coach sheli G

Archive for March, 2013

Do I “Unhook” from Negative Nellies??

anrgy birds

In Personal/Spiritual Development Land, I hear this a lot:

“Cut negative people out of your life. You don’t need them. You cannot go where you deserve to with them in your life”

It’s a classic “Empowerment Challenge”. But it has never fully resonated with me. What about you?

Here are a few thoughts on why cutting everyone in a “negative space” out of your life may not always be best.

  • THE negative one may be a family member.
  • You may work with them, or they may be your boss!
  • They are going through a temporary rough patch.
  • When YOU are the Negative Nellie or Nelson.
  • How can we “Be the change we wish to see in the World”… if we only connect with the easy, fun, already happy ones?
  • It may be our own perception or projection, that is judging or viewing them as a negative influence.

When they are a family member.

By all means you can draw healthy boundaries. (book by Dr Cloud & Dr. Townsend)

boundaries book pic

I am not saying roll over, or take abuse of any kind from anyone. I AM saying think about it. If you pray or meditate, do that. I did have to draw a boundary with a family member. She had been through a super hard time. But it came to a place of toxicity in her words mostly, that I had to draw a boundary and not have her around or communicate with her at all. The good news is, I made it clear that this was her choice, that if she went back to honoring our family with respect and kindness, that our relationship would be restored, and it was. Every case is different! If you are abused etc, you need professional help to navigate those choices. ( Google it ) But this is more for every day dealings, when family members are on a lesser scale of challenging or destructive. ~Calm down, get advice from a healthy person, and think about it before you take action. (* A Life Coach or Counselor is skilled in this area)

When you work with him or her. 

You have a lot at stake in this case. If you treat them in ways the company or managers don’t approve of, you may lose your job. People around you get very uncomfortable with conflict. One scenario I know was so bad, that even though BOTH sales people were top producers in the WEST, the company felt they had to choose 1 and move on, to re-build more positive energy in the workplace. Also if it’s your boss, watch out. Their ego alone, and/or their position of having more of a voice in everything than you, makes it nearly impossible to be their breakthrough buddy on “their issues”. Again, this is assuming you are right, and sometimes you may not be. SO- is it worth risking your job? If you are open to this: think about it before spouting off.  (and never spout in an email, it’s cowardly) I used to liken myself when I am really passionate to Joan of Arc, until a wise mentor reminded me that Joan was burned at the stake, at a young age. Sometimes it’s not our battle to fight. And guess what?! ~Often times there are similar people at the next job too.

Sometimes the tough space they are in is temporary.

Very often this is true. Are you going to bail the minute they are struggling? Overall- has the connection been healthy? Is this time temporary? Is there a greater window of grace they deserve from you? For most of us, tough times cycle through. ~They don’t last forever.

Remember, YOU may at some point be the “Negative Nellie” or “Nelson”.

I’ve been there. I think we all have. I am thankful for friends, family and mentors that saw me through. It’s also good to remember when we are going through Hell, keep on going until you are through. ~Don’t be abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally….) to anyone, in any way while you are in the funk.

Where does “Be the Difference..” come into play?

If you think of yourself as a spiritual or good person, then dig deep into the work of relationships. Some are easy, and some are super hard! That is the deal. If you are a leader, teacher, coach, counselor or general do-gooder…then go the extra mile. Breakthrough your own triggers, associations and shortfalls in the process. Expand. Again, I’m not advocating staying in abuse. ~I am saying that if we want to be the light in the dark, we must confront the dark and bring the light to dispel the dark. If not you, then who? If not today, then when?

MLK love can do that

Projection, Perception and the Shadow of self.

OK I know, that is a lot of psychological words right there…but Google it 🙂 What we are struggling with in ourselves, is often what drives us crazy about others. For example: Right now, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being not very much, to 10 being totally- 100%… RATE how much do YOU trust OTHERS… ( close your eyes & just do it! )  🙂

Usually, how high you rate others, is actually how you rate YOURSELF as trustworthy. This is just 1 example. Also, the Shadow side of our psychology might suggest that what repels us from others, is something we lack, or that we need to work on in ourselves. The “Workaholic” looks down on the guy that gets enough work done in 4 days, and then goes to the beach to surf non-stop for 3 days. One possible reason is envy, which is actually just his internal signal that the Workaholic deserves joy, play and a more balanced life too, but is struggling to get there.

I suggest, as long as you’re safe, that we learn to love, work with, tolerate and mentor each other. We learn more from the challenging relationships and struggles in life than we would by ourselves, “happy” on an island. ~Let us do the work, and learn how to reach and teach everyone who is willing.

Many Blessings,
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G


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“Fearless” is a buzz word

sheli g vid 7

There are many, in my humble opinion, overused words today designed like keywords, or saturated sales pitches in their very intention.

Context is King (or Queen) so I don’t want to dis anyone’s book, song, or quote. BUT, for my business, I don’t coach or consult clients or groups I speak to, to try to attain or maintain a “FEARLESS life”.

  • I think being “fearless” all or most of the time is difficult, and perhaps impossible to attain as a long term sustainable model.
  • Being “fearless” sounds good, so it sells. But can you really buy it?
  • Fear has a purpose at times, and therefore is valuable.

To many people, living a “fearless life” sounds hip. But who can say they get to a place where they never have a fear again? If my 7 year old runs into the busy street, (which he has done a few times!) it totally sends shock waves of fear throughout my body. I think every parent would agree. So- is being fearless even something I want to try to attain? Plus, the research shows: putting goals in front of people that are impossible to achieve is the most UN-motivating thing you can do. Maybe it’s not a good personal development tool, after all.

Fear5

It is true, too many people live in too much fear, too much of the time. But again, I ask if it is a campaign with any integrity; to sell something because you know it sounds fabulous to the masses- but it is perhaps impossible to truly deliver. It’s like the over processed, mega touched up photo images of models, wearing the dress that won’t look like that on me. It’s a sales pitch to the core of our emotional being. SO- what about letting our brains weigh in here, and see if it’s really possible. OR- is this another mountain top high campaign, a well written book, or charismatically delivered motivational talk? FYI- with most typical book or seminar information, only about 3% of the crowd will implement about 1% of the content delivered. (*this is why I prefer experiential education to passive education)

Healthy fear serves it’s purpose. I was dating a handsome guy in college, who was invited by a mutual friend to go on a motorcycle ride. The problem: Our friend was a crazy driver, with a crash record to prove it. They were both in shorts and tank tops on that very hot summer day. My boyfriend didn’t go, as my fears motivated a great sales pitch from me not to! The driver who had offered the ride, and his unlucky passenger, wrecked that day and survived, but with terrible road rash all over their unprotected bodies to pay for their “fun”. Fear can be the little voice inside your head of REASON that something unsafe or bad may happen, so don’t do it. Research shows most people who are about to become the victim of a crime have a “premonition” before the event that proved to come true. I say- listen to that when you hear it. Not all places, people or events are safe. Your intuition knows.

I think it can be valuable to make sure your fears are rational. Fears are like many things: they are only part of the equation. Sometimes a risk is necessary, like in starting a relationship, investment or business. Sometimes the pay-off outweighs all the potential risks and we, in spite of the fear… GO. This can be quite exhilarating! It’s a part of the natural process and it’s all good.

fish hook

I like to teach people to consider their fears, but only after they consider their dreams. Notice the costs involved. Do your research. Meditate and pray. But when it’s worth it, and all the factors have been considered, DO take healthy risks, in spite of your fears. In fact, when I do public speaking, I view my fear as sheer excitement! My heart rate goes up, I don’t know how it’s all going to play out, (every audience is SO totally different).  I move with my fear, using it to propel my passion out into the world. It is a blast to befriend your fear. And then, we can naturally, experientially learn to fear less in life. This IS very achievable. I like that.

discipline

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” (when it is yours to do…)
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Many Blessings,
 Sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com

Certified International Speaker, Group Transformationist, Comedian, Author 

www.shelig.com

Valentines Day, Again

Home Depot offers some great kids crafts on Saturdays.

My kids especially enjoyed making Valentines day “in-boxes” this year! I loved the idea. I nailed them up by both of their doors, and put some Valentines in both of them several times.

As Valentines day ended, and the removing of past holiday decor came to mind… I thought; how sad! These were so cute, and such a good way to slip sweet notes in their boxes… whenever!

Then I realized, why not? Who says I can’t leave their Valentine Day boxes up all year-long? (In fact I also have a couple of rope lights from Christmas that are still up because I just like them! 🙂 )

So here’s to VALENTINES DAY is EVERYDAY. It’s a reminder to me to put encouraging, affirming notes in their boxes. They are even doing it for one another now! What a great teaching moment about loving one another. We don’t need a special holiday or reason to give the gift of a love note. We don’t need to wish someone big blessings just on a Birthday or New Years. We don’t have to wait to celebrate Jesus birth on Christmas. So away with compartmentalizing the holidays! Every day is cause for celebration, and the giving of affirming LOVE Unconditionally!

“Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.” ~ Braveheart

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.” ~ The Notebook

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol.” ~ 1st Corinthians 13

photo photo-1

Many Blessings,
 
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com

Certified International Business, Leadership & Life Success Coach

www.shelig.com

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