motivational coach sheli G

Posts tagged ‘Influence’

The New Black… for LEADERS

Vulnerability.

What does that word bring up for you?

Open. Victim. Brave. Weak. Insecure. Truth-telling.

vulnerable oprah

We tend to associate vulnerability with beliefs, people, and places that we have experienced in our past. In the English language, Vulnerability can reference various states of being, depending on the assumed or referenced context;

  • the state of being vulnerable or exposed
  • easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, financially or emotionally

Most of the Vulnerability definitions you can find online are pretty much referring to an old-school, “bad news” come-from.

If you are military for example, you are trained not to be vulnerable, because vulnerability leaves you open to attack. This is similar to the old Corporate leadership structure. Act tough. Be “strong”. Represent a fortress-like presence so that everyone will respect you, be intimidated by you, and assume you do not have any weak spots they can prey upon.

vulnerable 1

This doesn’t work anymore.
There are certainly moments or situations to “shore up” ourselves, and not be opened up wide. Not every situation or person is safe. However, all of us are vincible, whether we act strong all the time or not. And we all know this- not only about ourselves, but about mankind in general. (cat’s out of the bag!) It used to be fashionable to act tough all the time. But these days, the new coolness, the must-have tool in any leaders tool-belt, the new Black for Leaders is: Healthy Vulnerability, by choice.

Healthy Vulnerability…. What?
“Vulnerability is the absolute heartbeat of innovation and creativity,” Brene Brown says. “There can be zero innovation without vulnerability.” Brene has a couple of very powerful and humorous TED TALKS on Vulnerability. Brené Brown Ph.D. LMSW is an American scholar, author, and public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston

Entrepreneurs, Leaders, Managers, CEO’s, Bloggers, thought leaders…we are all vulnerable. Yup. There you have it. Don’t fight it. You’re expending pointless energy if you resist- something leaders don’t like to do! The minute we choose into putting ourselves, our beliefs, our ideas out there, we are vulnerable. The more you do it, the more vulnerable you are. To be a WORLD CHANGER, vulnerability is a huge key to success.

vulnerable armsAccording to Brown, vulnerability is: the combination of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Hmmm. This is pretty much entrepreneurship.
I know- I’ve been in it since 1995. Vulnerability is the natural culture of what we do. To pretend you are not vulnerable, is to lack authenticity. It’s tough to respect, much less follow that leader. He or she is perpetuating an atmosphere of denial and anxiety. It’s real, it’s healthy, and it is more courageous for every leader to be OK with healthy vulnerability. We ask our teams to do it. So- how can we inspire our teams to be honest, and take searching self-inventories of what IS working, and what is NOT working, if we do not lead them by example?  It is what I do, not just what I say. And if what I say and do are not in alignment, (that includes alignment with the companies results) it’s quite obvious.

So, just be pathetic all the time? To everyone?

vulnerable question

Um…No 🙂

Again, vulnerability is powerful when it’s accessed at the proper time, place and crowd.

I am not saying go drinking with your peeps, and totally breakdown, with no resolve or value as a net result. (really- don’t do this)
I am also not implying you should tell all your deepest secrets to your whole team or company.

I am not saying cry all the time. That would be exhausting. 🙂

Balance and being intuitively appropriate are also leadership keys.
You don’t throw out those other skills that you have worked so hard to cultivate. You integrate them all, intuitively.

Some leaders go to extremes. “I want to be strong and have them believe I can do anything! I don’t want to be vulnerable and show my fears, failures or weak areas…”
It’s NOT either or. It is BOTH/AND. How cool is that? Knowing what tool from your belt to use, when and how is critical.
measure
LEADERSHIP then is a customized set of skills and methods, masterfully woven together in doses, at the right times and places to be effective for all. Lots of solutions, winning and connecting will come with that combo. So will production, employee retention, and stunning innovation.
 
If you are open to it, being real about both your strengths and your blinders can be inspiring. At times you may reveal things to everyone. Sometimes that may be to a small elite mastermind group in the profession, company or team.

Sometimes both the bravado of releasing a vision, and the passion behind it, followed by humble tones of the obstacles that you face, and even a tear can be a winning combination. *I am not saying put that kind of speech together. If it’s too thought out, if it has a hook or contrived agenda- then it’s not inspiring. That’s not vulnerable, that’s manipulative theatrics. Big difference, and they can feel it.

puppet on a string

When I am speaking, I am open to all facets of my personality, strengths, and tools. I know where I am going, but I feel free to authentically use the words that come up for me in that moment, not scripted out. I also access both positivity and passion, vision casting and encouragement, with vulnerability in telling real stories, and addressing REAL challenges, so that I meet people where they are. I have had bliss and failure, and so have they. We are no different at our core. We all want to have purpose. We all want successful relationships. We all have dreams to fulfill. So resonating with your team, audience, or company, versus towering over them really works. It works because it’s connection. People dig true connection. They trust it. And trust is hard to gain these days, but so magical when you do.

vulnerable 2

An Island vs. a Village

We were not born alone, on an island. We don’t get anywhere without others, bad or good.
We accomplish things in communities of people. Family, Friends, Work, Church, Charities, Clubs…..it doesn’t really matter what we are creating; we do it better together.

happy meetingWhen a leader says: What are your ideas on this issue? Let’s brainstorm on this challenge or event…. Let’s bring all our experience, education and collective wisdom together in creating a new paradigm… THAT is inspiring. That is motivating. It’s engaging! People pay attention, and feel worthy when THEY are engaged.

That means you don’t have all the answers. And- you don’t. I don’t. That means you are taking time to listen. That means you care what others are thinking. That makes a great leader. There are times when time is short, and we just get to GO, with little collaboration. I get that. If that is most of the time, you may be trying to accomplish too much, too soon, with too little perspective and feedback. Narrow scopes offer narrow results. But there can be more time, blocked out intentionally, to collaborate and grow your company, your vision, your production, your influence and reach…by enrolling others.

To enroll others, we deserve to be vulnerable, as well as all the other traits that make a phenomenal leader. Perhaps in my next blog I will tell the story of my own personal “ONE DAY” when I totally got it, that vulnerability is paramount for a great leader. It’s mandatory for me.

Not always easy. But often necessary. And worth it.

I would love to hear YOUR comments and thoughts on vulnerability, especially for leaders. And any likes, shares…always welcome! 🙂
Many Blessings,
www.shelig.com
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
CEO Women Ignite Idaho Conference and Trade Show
WII neon sign woman light
WomenIgniteIdaho.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to ignite the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

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Contact me: Skype coach.sheli

HERO

I was watching a TED Talk today…

TED talks are: ” Riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world. ” also known for their tag line… “Ideas worth spreading”. Apparently this is true- as I am spreading their ideas right now! 🙂

I do love most TED talks. I was watching one intently by Psychologist Philip Zimbardo. He was talking about the difference in good vs. evil.  Philip Zimbardo knows how easy it is for nice people to turn bad. ( Google his story and you will know why ) In this particular talk, he shares insights and graphic unseen photos from the Abu Ghraib trials. *Warning, don’t watch this with kids, ~please.

Philip Zimbardo

Then he talks about the flip side: How easy it is to be a hero, and how we all can rise to the challenge. Y E S !

He talks about something that totally hit home for me; the fact that we have the wrong image of a “Hero” in the American culture. We either think of Superman, Batman or other grandiose comic/movie characters, who are fictional, and have way supernatural powers, OR we may think of Hollywood super stars who have mega money, influence, and therefore have tremendous power in the U.S. to perhaps flaunt their “do-gooding” around the world. Of course- one might wonder; is it truly doing good, or is it trying to make themselves look good? After all, is it a great sacrifice for the very rich to give some back, and boost their fan base via the media?

And the greater question that Phillip raises is this; (in my words) Is it jacking up our kids belief systems of who is and CAN BE a hero? Is it messing with ADULT ideas or visions of who can be a hero?

superhero

After all, none of us have super powers, at least not like they do in a comic book. So- that kind of hero is off limits to us. And most of us won’t make it to the kind of wealth that the upper echelon of Hollywood, or the very top of Corporate America achieves, to allow for the kind of ability to give millions, and take years off of work to travel and just “be”.

Then, what is a HERO?

lemonade

They are every day people. They are you and I, as we so choose. They do good when no one is looking, and when everyone is looking. They give when it hurts. They give because it’s the right thing to do. They give what they can, with what they have, where they are.

man ducks

Maybe they hold a door open. Buy groceries for someone in need. Serve soup on a Holiday. Host events to raise funds, or badly needed items like coats and school supplies. They donate time teaching. They mentor. They Coach. They give. They give for no other reason, but that it’s the right thing to do, and that feels right. That feels good to our souls.

you can do it

There is a reason we feel good when we give.

It’s not about pride. It’s because God made us to care. We care not just for ourselves, but healthy people care for the collective. We care because we get that we are all connected somehow, even if we cannot explain that concept or belief well.

mother teresa

We are in this thing called LIFE together. We are not born alone, on an island. Yes- we get hurt by others. 911 proved that. And we have hurt others too. But we also get well together. We heal with the support of others. We are stronger together. When survival experts train people how to navigate tough rivers, they teach you how to lock arms with your buddies to get across safely. You may be incredibly strong, but so is that river called life, and it can take you down if you are not supported.

Assault Climbers Course

Being a HERO is a daily choice.

I can be a hero to my kids, and keep my promises- the small ones and the big ones. I can hold a door open. Help a neighbor mow their lawn. Pay someone’s bill. Offer free teaching or coaching to one in need. I can give my offering at church and support the giving that goes out from there.

hero

I can donate time to the club I just personally joined: The Lions Club. These men and women have been mega HEROES for decades! And now I am honored to give my part to the cause, helping blind kids without eye care to see again, or get glasses, or dental care, or school supplies. I can help build handicap walkways where they are needed around town. I can help beautify the VA center. The list goes on, and is right in front of me. With or without money, there are always needs. Needs I can help fulfill.

larry lion

The SUPER POWER is YOU. ME. It is US. We can train the next generation what real, everyday heroes look like. We are powerful together. What will you do today, and this week, in service?

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about how you give back or ideas to help others who wish to get ideas on how to give back.

Many Blessings,
 www.shelig.com
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Connect with me on:
https://embracereal.wordpress.com
http://www.facebook.com/sheliGinspires
http://www.youtube.com/user/coachsheliG
http://www.linkedin.com/in/shelig
https://twitter.com/sheliGinspires
http://pinterest.com/sheligcoaching

3 HUGE Sales Myths

WORLD CHANGERS ENROLL

Do you realize we are all salespeople?

You sell people on ideas. Selling is ENROLLING. Enrolling someone into for example; Where to eat for dinner. Where to donate money. What product to buy. This is also influencing. We are all influencers. Call it what you want. But we do enroll others into what we are into and passionate about. SO, what are YOU excited about, passionate about, and committed to? I have been enrolling others since I was a child. Chances are, you have too. I have sold: Avon, Pizza, Mortgage loans, Mexican Food, Services, Football, Insurance, God, Consulting, and hope. In other words, I have enrolled or influenced others into these things, and more.

Sales myths

1) “The sale begins with ‘NO’.”

This out-dated saying is supposed to prove the point; that just because someone says NO, doesn’t necessarily mean that they mean NO, or perhaps that the NO could convert to a big juicy YES at some point. And that is true.

However, I learned early on that the influencing (or repelling) begins at the point of origination, that is: their FIRST impression of you and/or your company.

From the first interaction you have with anyone, you are enrolling them into something. Your positive or otherwise viewpoints. Your beliefs. Your ideas. The sale, (or lack thereof) begins at first contact. So get honest feedback. Understand how you come across when others first meet you. Tweak what you need to so that your message can translate. *Good intentions alone don’t enroll. 

2) “I develop strong relationships, and I’m very influential. Therefore- “the close” is automatic.”
Wrong. LOL. That would be very cool but…

Great relationships, whether you are good at schmoozing, and/or whether you are good at deep, profound relationships, means you have a lot of friends. Does that mean your enrollments or closings are high? Not necessarily.

You deserve to always “ASK FOR THE CLOSE”. Call To Action baby. I don’t care how tight you are with that person (which may be just your perception too), and even if they are really interested, YOUR JOB is to ask for the sale, ask them to sign up, and close the deal. Most of them are waiting for you to do it! Now- some enrollers are great up until this point, and then they fade out of fear, poor training, or lack of experience. Until you feel like you are as strong of a CLOSER as you are an influential person- invest in some training. There are books, online courses, sales coaching (~yes I love to coach individuals and teams on sales, so a shameless plug here- http://www.shelig.com)

You can also bring a “closer” type person from your team, company or organization. Have them seal the deal, and you learn from a master closer. Split the commission, and the credit if that applies. *People that steal all the credit when others were paramount in the deal, lose influence faster than they gain sales.

dominos

3) “If I do an awesome job, they should automatically send me referrals!”
Once again, nope.

Guess who knows more people just like the one you just enrolled… Whether it’s a single mom, a family, a CEO, an investor… yes- THEY do! Guess who are the best enrollers out there… SOMEONE WHO HAS RECENTLY BEEN ENROLLED INTO SOMETHING THEMSELVES. Stats show they will enroll the majority of people they will ever enroll, within 30 days of signing up for something themselves. Why? They just signed up! They are fired up! They get it! They will see all those people they usually connect with, within 30 days! And they want company! 🙂 But, most often they won’t think to do it, unless you ask.

When I owned a mortgage brokerage company years ago, My top loan officer was Jay. Jay had a professional form that he took to ALL of his loan closings, where he asked them to bring their “little Black book” (now it’s their smartphone) And he had them right there, on the spot after the closing, fill out 5 warm referrals for him. They did it almost every time, because he WAS an amazing loan officer, very influential, and because he asked for them. Stop waiting. *He who asks, receives.

Many Blessings,
www.shelig.com
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Success Coach
“It’s time to Level UP, and harness the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Connect with me on:
https://embracereal.wordpress.com
http://www.facebook.com/sheliGinspires
http://www.youtube.com/user/coachsheliG
http://www.linkedin.com/in/shelig
https://twitter.com/sheliGinspires
http://pinterest.com/sheligcoaching

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