motivational coach sheli G

Posts tagged ‘Vulnerability’

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Pastors. Presidents. CEO’s…Get Naked.

Leaders. Influencers. Speakers. Authors. It’s time. It’s PAST time. Time to GET REAL.

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If you are already real, then cool beans. BUT, If not….

Quit acting like you have no insecurities.

Quit acting like you don’t make mistakes.

Quit acting better than.

Quit being in denial about your own issues, because you’re so good at exposing others weak spots. I know, because we all have them. I have them, big-time. You do too.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some really, really good leaders. GREAT leaders. WORLD CHANGING Leaders! YES! Just- not nearly enough.

Church.

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The American Church. Many nice buildings, where people dress up nice. They put on nice faces. AND- they shove down their hurts, habits, hangups, dark secrets and sins…and act all “Sunday School”. Not because they want to, actually. But because that is what they have been trained to do. It’s is what they know how to do in typical church culture. They mean well! They just don’t know how to show up any differently. And, would it be really OK if they did? If they came in smoking. If they admitted to the addiction. If they said their marriage was hanging on by a thread. If they admitted to being attracted to the same sex. If they told you they were bankrupt. If they said they had been abused by a church member….. Well, um…what then? Are we actually ready for that? We should be. They need love, a SAFE place to meet God and do their work, resources, support and answers. I need that. You do too. Bring on the Naked Church.

The perfect church service,would be one we were almost unaware of.
Our attention would have been on God.
 C.S. Lewis

Government.

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I know. I actually dread saying it. I cannot believe I am bringing it up. I usually avoid it. It brings up more triggers for people today than religion. For real. It divides us. Even though we all feel we know the right way… The “truth”. Then- why is everything so screwed up? We accuse the Millennials of not trusting or respecting authority. Should they?

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We are the voters. All this blame stuff hasn’t worked. To change, to get better, we have to ALL take responsibility. To be accountable- for ourselves, our history, our current state, and mostly for our future. Honestly, can you or I trust what ANY president says? 100%? Regardless of the party affiliation. Would you stake your life on any president being set up in the system we currently have, to tell the TOTAL truth, transparently, without political or personal repercussion or retribution? I need that honesty and transparency in order to trust. You do too. Bring on the Naked Government.

“In my country we go to prison first and then become President.”~Nelson Mandela

“Unlike some politicians, I can admit to a mistake.”~Nelson Mandela

CEO’s.

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Many leaders, both men and women, are still driven from EGO the majority of the time. A great education, great experience, a good cause, a great mind…they are not enough today. A true World Changing leader also develops oneself internally; with expansive personal development, spiritual awareness and authentic global concern. Leaders are not just modeling how to do business as usual; they should be modeling how to live a well balanced, truly healthy life in all aspects.

Women currently hold only 4.2 percent of Fortune 500 CEO roles, and 4.2 percent of Fortune 1000 CEO roles. Dr. Jack Zenger argues that this is due primarily to a change in leadership styles. Moving from a command-and-control style of leadership to a more collaborative model plays, he argues, to women’s strengths. Women are better listeners, better at building relationships and more collaborative and that, he argues, makes them better adapted to the demands of modern leadership. Asked to explain, therefore, why women haven’t fared better in the corporate hierarchy, he’s at somewhat of a loss. Thirty six percent of men say they want to be CEO, where only 18 percent of women say they do. Women have two jobs — the notorious second shift at home — while men, well, don’t do quite so much. And Zenger thinks also that boards simply lack confidence in women. Few have ever seen a female CEO and don’t recognize that, Dr. Zenger says.

this is who I am

I believe our men can also be supported to bring in more of the relational, collaborative style to their leadership. I think they are hungry for it too. It’s not our dad’s corporate culture anymore. Relationships matter.

There are also too many companies with a culture of cut-throat competition. Collaboration IS inspiration! Don’t we know? Pride on steroids and fierce vs. playful competition drowns the human creative and productive spirit. It also drops your ROI long term.

Some companies have laid so many people off, that they have great people left…doing the job of 3-4 people. I spoke to a friend who manages a team at HP. She said everyone on her team was on some sort of antidepressant. This is the net result, I believe, of asking great people to cram 3 work days into 1.  It’s a short term model. It’s unhealthy. A burn out plan. A profit killer.

When will we all get on the train of connectedness, allowing people to find their strengths, and give them the tools to help them identify and cultivate those? Then- allow them to operate and SOAR in those supernatural strengths. That’s what a real leader does- they show others how to harness the World-Changing Leader in themselves. Everyone has sheer brilliance in something. Everyone has passion. People are AMAZING!!!!   We all just need to be unlocked. I do. and you do too. Bring on the Naked Leadership.

This is the sassiest blog I have ever written. I would apologize… as I truly don’t mean to offend or hurt anyone. But, it’s really “up” for me. I know because my heart rate is up while I write this! It’s real. I feel it needs to be said. I don’t even know all the reasons why. But there it is. Bring on the Naked Blogging.

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Many Blessings,
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

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Contact me: Skype coach.sheli

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The New Black… for LEADERS

Vulnerability.

What does that word bring up for you?

Open. Victim. Brave. Weak. Insecure. Truth-telling.

vulnerable oprah

We tend to associate vulnerability with beliefs, people, and places that we have experienced in our past. In the English language, Vulnerability can reference various states of being, depending on the assumed or referenced context;

  • the state of being vulnerable or exposed
  • easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, financially or emotionally

Most of the Vulnerability definitions you can find online are pretty much referring to an old-school, “bad news” come-from.

If you are military for example, you are trained not to be vulnerable, because vulnerability leaves you open to attack. This is similar to the old Corporate leadership structure. Act tough. Be “strong”. Represent a fortress-like presence so that everyone will respect you, be intimidated by you, and assume you do not have any weak spots they can prey upon.

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This doesn’t work anymore.
There are certainly moments or situations to “shore up” ourselves, and not be opened up wide. Not every situation or person is safe. However, all of us are vincible, whether we act strong all the time or not. And we all know this- not only about ourselves, but about mankind in general. (cat’s out of the bag!) It used to be fashionable to act tough all the time. But these days, the new coolness, the must-have tool in any leaders tool-belt, the new Black for Leaders is: Healthy Vulnerability, by choice.

Healthy Vulnerability…. What?
“Vulnerability is the absolute heartbeat of innovation and creativity,” Brene Brown says. “There can be zero innovation without vulnerability.” Brene has a couple of very powerful and humorous TED TALKS on Vulnerability. Brené Brown Ph.D. LMSW is an American scholar, author, and public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston

Entrepreneurs, Leaders, Managers, CEO’s, Bloggers, thought leaders…we are all vulnerable. Yup. There you have it. Don’t fight it. You’re expending pointless energy if you resist- something leaders don’t like to do! The minute we choose into putting ourselves, our beliefs, our ideas out there, we are vulnerable. The more you do it, the more vulnerable you are. To be a WORLD CHANGER, vulnerability is a huge key to success.

vulnerable armsAccording to Brown, vulnerability is: the combination of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Hmmm. This is pretty much entrepreneurship.
I know- I’ve been in it since 1995. Vulnerability is the natural culture of what we do. To pretend you are not vulnerable, is to lack authenticity. It’s tough to respect, much less follow that leader. He or she is perpetuating an atmosphere of denial and anxiety. It’s real, it’s healthy, and it is more courageous for every leader to be OK with healthy vulnerability. We ask our teams to do it. So- how can we inspire our teams to be honest, and take searching self-inventories of what IS working, and what is NOT working, if we do not lead them by example?  It is what I do, not just what I say. And if what I say and do are not in alignment, (that includes alignment with the companies results) it’s quite obvious.

So, just be pathetic all the time? To everyone?

vulnerable question

Um…No 🙂

Again, vulnerability is powerful when it’s accessed at the proper time, place and crowd.

I am not saying go drinking with your peeps, and totally breakdown, with no resolve or value as a net result. (really- don’t do this)
I am also not implying you should tell all your deepest secrets to your whole team or company.

I am not saying cry all the time. That would be exhausting. 🙂

Balance and being intuitively appropriate are also leadership keys.
You don’t throw out those other skills that you have worked so hard to cultivate. You integrate them all, intuitively.

Some leaders go to extremes. “I want to be strong and have them believe I can do anything! I don’t want to be vulnerable and show my fears, failures or weak areas…”
It’s NOT either or. It is BOTH/AND. How cool is that? Knowing what tool from your belt to use, when and how is critical.
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LEADERSHIP then is a customized set of skills and methods, masterfully woven together in doses, at the right times and places to be effective for all. Lots of solutions, winning and connecting will come with that combo. So will production, employee retention, and stunning innovation.
 
If you are open to it, being real about both your strengths and your blinders can be inspiring. At times you may reveal things to everyone. Sometimes that may be to a small elite mastermind group in the profession, company or team.

Sometimes both the bravado of releasing a vision, and the passion behind it, followed by humble tones of the obstacles that you face, and even a tear can be a winning combination. *I am not saying put that kind of speech together. If it’s too thought out, if it has a hook or contrived agenda- then it’s not inspiring. That’s not vulnerable, that’s manipulative theatrics. Big difference, and they can feel it.

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When I am speaking, I am open to all facets of my personality, strengths, and tools. I know where I am going, but I feel free to authentically use the words that come up for me in that moment, not scripted out. I also access both positivity and passion, vision casting and encouragement, with vulnerability in telling real stories, and addressing REAL challenges, so that I meet people where they are. I have had bliss and failure, and so have they. We are no different at our core. We all want to have purpose. We all want successful relationships. We all have dreams to fulfill. So resonating with your team, audience, or company, versus towering over them really works. It works because it’s connection. People dig true connection. They trust it. And trust is hard to gain these days, but so magical when you do.

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An Island vs. a Village

We were not born alone, on an island. We don’t get anywhere without others, bad or good.
We accomplish things in communities of people. Family, Friends, Work, Church, Charities, Clubs…..it doesn’t really matter what we are creating; we do it better together.

happy meetingWhen a leader says: What are your ideas on this issue? Let’s brainstorm on this challenge or event…. Let’s bring all our experience, education and collective wisdom together in creating a new paradigm… THAT is inspiring. That is motivating. It’s engaging! People pay attention, and feel worthy when THEY are engaged.

That means you don’t have all the answers. And- you don’t. I don’t. That means you are taking time to listen. That means you care what others are thinking. That makes a great leader. There are times when time is short, and we just get to GO, with little collaboration. I get that. If that is most of the time, you may be trying to accomplish too much, too soon, with too little perspective and feedback. Narrow scopes offer narrow results. But there can be more time, blocked out intentionally, to collaborate and grow your company, your vision, your production, your influence and reach…by enrolling others.

To enroll others, we deserve to be vulnerable, as well as all the other traits that make a phenomenal leader. Perhaps in my next blog I will tell the story of my own personal “ONE DAY” when I totally got it, that vulnerability is paramount for a great leader. It’s mandatory for me.

Not always easy. But often necessary. And worth it.

I would love to hear YOUR comments and thoughts on vulnerability, especially for leaders. And any likes, shares…always welcome! 🙂
Many Blessings,
www.shelig.com
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC
www.shelig.com
CEO Women Ignite Idaho Conference and Trade Show
WII neon sign woman light
WomenIgniteIdaho.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to ignite the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

Facebook LinkedIn WordPress YouTube pinterest
Contact me: Skype coach.sheli

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