motivational coach sheli G

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

The apology you didn’t get.

How do you deal with an apology you never received, but you know you deserve?

Are you held hostage by hurt feelings over a difficult person, or a situation from the past? It’s very easy to do.
 “Forgiveness is the economy of the heart…forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” ~Hannah More

Forgiveness sets the prisoner free. The prisoner is YOU.

prison 1

The words.The accident.The abandonment. The abuse. The cheating. The lies. The firing. The eviction. The divorce. The ego. The quitting. The depression. The running. The not trying. The judgement. The losing. The stunt. The audacity. The other woman. The other man. The double-cross. The favorite. The unfairness. The agony. The Church. The death. The addiction. The pride. The past. The selfishness. The withhold. The timing. The government. Life…..

You are right. You have a right to feel what you feel.
Why? Because they are your feelings. Sometimes- they just HAPPEN. But… how long you stay there, how long you marinade in that feeling…of anger (which is actually just a mask for big hurt and pain…) THAT my friend is up to you.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”~Mahatma Gandhi
sad

So, accept an apology you never got. Take your power back. Receive it- from him, her, that, it, them… or whatever. Let it go. Let you go. It’s your pain, so you can release it. No matter what happens on the other end, you do what you can control. That’s it.

The Gathering Choose in

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”~Colossians 3:13

You can grant forgiveness, as you’ve probably been forgiven too.

Isn’t it ironic? Maybe someone is reading this RIGHT NOW, and thinking of something YOU said or did, or didn’t say or do that you should have…. Maybe it’s that same someone YOU need to forgive as well.

hugging


Life is short. Time to let go, and love right where we are, with what and who we have NOW. Tomorrow will be great, starting with a great NOW that you choose in this moment.

Kindness

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let us begin…

Many Blessings,
sheli  G
Career pic
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G

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Contact me: Skype coach.sheli

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It’s my Birthday and I’ll Blog if I want too…

happy birthday blog

YES- It is really my birthday. Today I am 44.

It’s my birthday, so I am (trying) to do what I think I should, and what everyone on Facebook says I should: Be spoiled, pampered, relax, enjoy my day.

But to me, as with any true Entrepreneur, this is….weird, awkward…. (and super hard!)

I wake up at 5 or 6AM if I sleep in, and begin to pray and meditate about my day. Then my brain takes over: What logistics do I need to handle? Phone calls, meetings, articles to write, stuff to follow up on, blog! Then on to what really matters: Who do I need to connect with today? Who needs help, support, encouragement, education, tips, inspiration, a warning, a scripture, honesty, strategy, a referral, consultation, counsel, challenge, or love?

And of course there are my three kids, Tyger 14, Teisha 7 and Trae 5. They keep me very busy, laughing, growing and challenged. Then there is my husband… aka my other kid 🙂

Did I mention my three dogs? Yep (ask my kid of a husband about how we got 3) Honey, Hurley and Belle.

And the house. Oh, the many (many) many to do’s that are always lurking within.

kids n us 2013

Family, Charity, Business, Ministry…. time for me? That is just silly talk- usually. Many Entrepreneurs do much of their work from a home office these days. So the boundaries are hard to draw. Everywhere we look, the desk, computer, the house… the freakin yard (yikes) it all begs to be tended to. Like most small business owners, I have to seriously prioritize, attack, and then release at the end of the day what I have not yet achieved.

But alas, when I facilitate Strategic Business or Breakthrough Life Coaching with a client, I always tell them to make sure they are blocking out time for them! To rejuvenate, relax, think, pray, laugh, eat, heal. Hmmmmmm.

So today is my birthday. (I know, I repeated that…I am really just reminding myself) I normally totally ignore my birthday, and just do work and life as per usual.

SOooooo I am blogging, eating potato chips with coffee, going to go back to bed for a couple of hours and watch an action movie I have wanted to watch but have not had (made) time for. I am going to listen to ridiculously good music. I am going to pet my adorable dogs. I am going to not worry so much about my long list of to do’s, should do’s, and my longer list of people I so want to help support in some way. When I come back (tomorrow) I will be REIGNITED! Y E S!

And I will be connecting, I hope, with YOU.

birthday blog sheli g

Many Blessings,
 
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com

Certified International Business, Leadership & Life Success Coach

Do I “Unhook” from Negative Nellies??

anrgy birds

In Personal/Spiritual Development Land, I hear this a lot:

“Cut negative people out of your life. You don’t need them. You cannot go where you deserve to with them in your life”

It’s a classic “Empowerment Challenge”. But it has never fully resonated with me. What about you?

Here are a few thoughts on why cutting everyone in a “negative space” out of your life may not always be best.

  • THE negative one may be a family member.
  • You may work with them, or they may be your boss!
  • They are going through a temporary rough patch.
  • When YOU are the Negative Nellie or Nelson.
  • How can we “Be the change we wish to see in the World”… if we only connect with the easy, fun, already happy ones?
  • It may be our own perception or projection, that is judging or viewing them as a negative influence.

When they are a family member.

By all means you can draw healthy boundaries. (book by Dr Cloud & Dr. Townsend)

boundaries book pic

I am not saying roll over, or take abuse of any kind from anyone. I AM saying think about it. If you pray or meditate, do that. I did have to draw a boundary with a family member. She had been through a super hard time. But it came to a place of toxicity in her words mostly, that I had to draw a boundary and not have her around or communicate with her at all. The good news is, I made it clear that this was her choice, that if she went back to honoring our family with respect and kindness, that our relationship would be restored, and it was. Every case is different! If you are abused etc, you need professional help to navigate those choices. ( Google it ) But this is more for every day dealings, when family members are on a lesser scale of challenging or destructive. ~Calm down, get advice from a healthy person, and think about it before you take action. (* A Life Coach or Counselor is skilled in this area)

When you work with him or her. 

You have a lot at stake in this case. If you treat them in ways the company or managers don’t approve of, you may lose your job. People around you get very uncomfortable with conflict. One scenario I know was so bad, that even though BOTH sales people were top producers in the WEST, the company felt they had to choose 1 and move on, to re-build more positive energy in the workplace. Also if it’s your boss, watch out. Their ego alone, and/or their position of having more of a voice in everything than you, makes it nearly impossible to be their breakthrough buddy on “their issues”. Again, this is assuming you are right, and sometimes you may not be. SO- is it worth risking your job? If you are open to this: think about it before spouting off.  (and never spout in an email, it’s cowardly) I used to liken myself when I am really passionate to Joan of Arc, until a wise mentor reminded me that Joan was burned at the stake, at a young age. Sometimes it’s not our battle to fight. And guess what?! ~Often times there are similar people at the next job too.

Sometimes the tough space they are in is temporary.

Very often this is true. Are you going to bail the minute they are struggling? Overall- has the connection been healthy? Is this time temporary? Is there a greater window of grace they deserve from you? For most of us, tough times cycle through. ~They don’t last forever.

Remember, YOU may at some point be the “Negative Nellie” or “Nelson”.

I’ve been there. I think we all have. I am thankful for friends, family and mentors that saw me through. It’s also good to remember when we are going through Hell, keep on going until you are through. ~Don’t be abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally….) to anyone, in any way while you are in the funk.

Where does “Be the Difference..” come into play?

If you think of yourself as a spiritual or good person, then dig deep into the work of relationships. Some are easy, and some are super hard! That is the deal. If you are a leader, teacher, coach, counselor or general do-gooder…then go the extra mile. Breakthrough your own triggers, associations and shortfalls in the process. Expand. Again, I’m not advocating staying in abuse. ~I am saying that if we want to be the light in the dark, we must confront the dark and bring the light to dispel the dark. If not you, then who? If not today, then when?

MLK love can do that

Projection, Perception and the Shadow of self.

OK I know, that is a lot of psychological words right there…but Google it 🙂 What we are struggling with in ourselves, is often what drives us crazy about others. For example: Right now, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being not very much, to 10 being totally- 100%… RATE how much do YOU trust OTHERS… ( close your eyes & just do it! )  🙂

Usually, how high you rate others, is actually how you rate YOURSELF as trustworthy. This is just 1 example. Also, the Shadow side of our psychology might suggest that what repels us from others, is something we lack, or that we need to work on in ourselves. The “Workaholic” looks down on the guy that gets enough work done in 4 days, and then goes to the beach to surf non-stop for 3 days. One possible reason is envy, which is actually just his internal signal that the Workaholic deserves joy, play and a more balanced life too, but is struggling to get there.

I suggest, as long as you’re safe, that we learn to love, work with, tolerate and mentor each other. We learn more from the challenging relationships and struggles in life than we would by ourselves, “happy” on an island. ~Let us do the work, and learn how to reach and teach everyone who is willing.

Many Blessings,
sheli  G
CILC | CMC | CEBC

www.shelig.com
International Speaker
Master Certified Business Coach
World Changer Leadership & Life Mastery Coach
“It’s time to unleash the World Changer in YOU!” ~sheli G


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